I have to put this somewhere...

This is not going to be a normal "oh the kids are great, here's what's going on in my life" post. I'm really angry right now so I have to get this out and put it where certain people are not likely to read it.

Wayne and I have some "friends". Well he does I should say. We will call them G and K. Wayne met G while in high school. I met K while in high school as well. Wayne considers G one of his best friends and like a brother. K and I were best friends for 9 yrs. Wayne and I were in G and K's wedding. Something happened(i don't know what) and K stopped being friends with me. Wayne and I got married. Things have slowly gotten worse with the friendship between Wayne and G. K doesn't even acknowledge my existence if we're in the same room.

Fast forward to the past few months.

After a couple of miscarriages, K got pregnant again. Everything was going great until about 2-3 weeks ago. She was put on bedrest at home. Things started to go wrong and she was put in the hospital. Wayne and I told them that since we had gone through the same thing, we would be there for them. No matter how bad the friendships got, they were family to us.

Today we get a call from a mutual friend. K had the baby today at 21weeks. The baby did not survive. It was too early. While my heart grieves for them, I am also very very angry. This mutual friend went on to tell Wayne that while she hopes Wayne will be there to support G, it would probably be best if he kept me away from K for at least 6 months! Why? Because I represent what should have happened with K.

I am so very angry because I feel like I am being made to be the bad guy because my child survived and hers didn't. It doesn't matter that I had Sophia at the very cusp of viability(24 wks) or that I struggled every day with the fact that my child may die and I wouldn't be there. Or even that Sophia struggled every day to survive. I'm sorry their child didn't make it. I'm sorry that they have to bury a child and a part of their heart. But why make me the villian?

Wayne is very upset about this as well. He said it isn't fair that they are going to tell me to stay away but not him. His child survived as well and they aren't telling him to stay away because he represents what they should have had as well. He said that while this is a hard time for him, he is sick of them treating me so poorly. He would never think to treat K like that.

So like I said, while my heart grieves for them, I can't get over this immense anger I have right now. And the anger isn't even aimed at them, but the mutual friend who called to give us the sad news. Maybe she should just keep her opinions to herself and keep her fucking mouth shut! Let G and K decide if they want me around. If they decide that, then they need to call Wayne and tell him. Will it make it any less hurtful? Will I be any less angry about it? No, but at least Wayne can give them a piece of his mind when they do.

Like I said I wouldn't normally put this here, but I can't put it at my other blog because they read that one. I'm not aware of them reading this one and if they do, they can just suck it up and move on.

I will NOT apologize for my child surviving and continuing to thrive despite being born so very early. I shouldn't have to.